Сжала руки под тёмной вуалью...
"Отчего ты сегодня бледна?"
--Оттого, что я терпкой печалью
Напоила его допьяна.
Как забуду? Он вышел, шатаясь,
Искривился мучительно рот...
Я сбежала, перил не касаясь,
Я бежала за ним до ворот.
Задыхаясь, я крикнула "Шутка
Все, что было. Уйдешь, я умру".
Улыбнулся спокойно и жутко
И сказал мне: "Не стой на ветру".
Literal translation
I clenched my hands under the dark veil.
"Why are you pale today?"
--Because I with astringent sadness
Made him drunk.
How shall I forget? He went out, staggering.
Was twisted poignantly mouth...
I ran down, handrail not touching,
I ran after him to gate.
Choking, I cried "Joke
All, that was.You leave, I shall die".
He smiled quietly and terribly/ominously
He said to me: "Don't stand in wind".
Interpretation
I clenched my hands under the dark veil.
" Why are you so pale today?"
-- Because I made him drunk, full
Of biting sorrow.
How can I forget? He left, reeling.
His mouth was twisted with heartbreak...
I ran down, not touching the railing,
I chased after him to the gate.
Choking, I yelled " It was all a joke,
Leave me and I shall die".
He smiled, a quiet and ominous look,
"Don't stand in the wind" he replied.
I clenched my hands fm 'Evening'- Akhmatova
Really enjoying these insights into Russian poetry, c. This is another one where I think you should try to retain more of the straightforward translation in your interpretation. e.g. (if I am simply comparing the symbols correctly) A uses "ran" twice in the original? So should you. A pox on poetic variation.
And how can this:
"Choking, I yelled " It was all a joke,
Leave me and I shall die"
compare with the raw immediacy of this:
Choking, I cried "Joke
All, that was.You leave, I shall die"
Clearly the interpretation is better, more proper English. But it doesn't touch the soul. (As these are Russian poems, I dare say I can use the word "soul". What is that in Russian anyway?)
You don't have a video of this one to share, do you?
Cheers
David
And how can this:
"Choking, I yelled " It was all a joke,
Leave me and I shall die"
compare with the raw immediacy of this:
Choking, I cried "Joke
All, that was.You leave, I shall die"
Clearly the interpretation is better, more proper English. But it doesn't touch the soul. (As these are Russian poems, I dare say I can use the word "soul". What is that in Russian anyway?)
You don't have a video of this one to share, do you?
Cheers
David
Thanks for your comments, David. These are 2 different verbs in the Russian- in l3 v2 transliterated: 'sbyezhala' means descended running, 'byezhala' means ran and is followed by a preposition to indicate direction. Kunitz translates these 2 lines as
" I ran downstairs not touching the banisters,
and followed him as far as the gate."
He takes even greater freedom, trying to keep the rhyme scheme, in the final verse:
"And shouted,choking:'I meant it all
in fun. Don't leave me, or I'll die of pain'.
He smiled at me-oh so calmly, terribly-
and said:'Why don't you get out of the rain?' "
He goes so far as to translate 'vyetru' meaning 'wind' as 'rain' to make a rhyme with pain ( which word isn't in the Russian at all). Since Russian verse at the time Akhmatova wrote this was very formal, I feel some attempt shd be made to keep the original form, though I wd never go as far as Kunitz does, so some of the terseness is lost.
I've made several unsuccessful attempts at putting a video in, and have now managed to embed this one. There is another more histrionic reading as well with which I still can't get to load. Its identification on the youtube clip is Hjxht02yHJU.
Soul:
Several words dependg on what 'soul' signifies using Roman script: doosha means soul, spirit; dookh spirit, courage; syerdtsye means heart basically but is applied to soul in that sense etc,etc.
Regards, C.
" I ran downstairs not touching the banisters,
and followed him as far as the gate."
He takes even greater freedom, trying to keep the rhyme scheme, in the final verse:
"And shouted,choking:'I meant it all
in fun. Don't leave me, or I'll die of pain'.
He smiled at me-oh so calmly, terribly-
and said:'Why don't you get out of the rain?' "
He goes so far as to translate 'vyetru' meaning 'wind' as 'rain' to make a rhyme with pain ( which word isn't in the Russian at all). Since Russian verse at the time Akhmatova wrote this was very formal, I feel some attempt shd be made to keep the original form, though I wd never go as far as Kunitz does, so some of the terseness is lost.
I've made several unsuccessful attempts at putting a video in, and have now managed to embed this one. There is another more histrionic reading as well with which I still can't get to load. Its identification on the youtube clip is Hjxht02yHJU.
Soul:
Several words dependg on what 'soul' signifies using Roman script: doosha means soul, spirit; dookh spirit, courage; syerdtsye means heart basically but is applied to soul in that sense etc,etc.
Regards, C.