When I think of you

[Mic]

(which is often)
I think of
lavender
its tallness
how it waves
just like you say

how you
demonstrate
with your arms
above your head,
waving, like
lavender does

& I think of
how I seek out
the flower
with my
fingers
for its scent


4/10/2014
France

[David]

I think this is lovely. Your happiness is infectious, but - in the hoariest old adage of writing poetry - you don't just tell us you're happy. But it's obvious.

I really like it.

Cheers

David

[Mic]

Mic

[oranggunung]

Hi Mic

I really like the happiness this conveys.

For me, the punctuation isn’t helping the flow. I don’t know why you would start a line with an ampersand and I don’t think you need one at the beginning of S2. As S1 is free of punctuation, I don’t understand why you have a semi-colon at the end of S2. You already have a line end and a stanza break, why do you need anything else there?

I don’t know if it’s just the ampersand at the beginning of S3, but the transition here doesn’t feel as smooth as it might be.
Sorry, those ampersands really don’t work for me.

Love the sentiment, though

og

[1lankest]

This is lovely, mic.

I wouldn't change a thing, although I would change this: 'like lavender does',

to this,

'like lavender waves',

The repitition sounds nice to me, and 'does' is a particularly banal word.

Good stuff.

[Antcliff]

Good stuff, Mic. Upbeato. It is yonks since it has been awarded, but today.... hooray... I can award the My Fair Lady/Bloke Poetry Prize....

[Mic]

Hi Mic

I really like the happiness this conveys.

For me, the punctuation isn’t helping the flow. I don’t know why you would start a line with an ampersand and I don’t think you need one at the beginning of S2. As S1 is free of punctuation, I don’t understand why you have a semi-colon at the end of S2. You already have a line end and a stanza break, why do you need anything else there?

I don’t know if it’s just the ampersand at the beginning of S3, but the transition here doesn’t feel as smooth as it might be.
Sorry, those ampersands really don’t work for me.

Love the sentiment, though

og

Thanks og. The ampersand is just a style thing. I tend not on the whole to use them. I'm not quite sure why I did with this, except that perhaps it is a visual and line length thing. Sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't. They feel right in this one!

I'll take another look at that semi-colon.

Mic

[Mic]

This is lovely, mic.

I wouldn't change a thing, although I would change this: 'like lavender does',

to this,

'like lavender waves',

The repitition sounds nice to me, and 'does' is a particularly banal word.

Good stuff.

Thanks Luke. Will consider.

Mic

[Mic]

Good stuff, Mic. Upbeato. It is yonks since it has been awarded, but today.... hooray... I can award the My Fair Lady/Bloke Poetry Prize....

Yay!

Mic

[Mic]

posted in wrong place!

[k-j]

I like it but I tend to agree with og, especially on the inconsistent punctuation. I think you could do without it, except for the comma after "waving". But this line and the one after are the only ones I have a slight problem with. Would be better as "waving / like lavender / making etc", losing the "does".

In S3 I would perhaps prefer "lavender" in place of "the flower". This gives you lavender in each verse and the final lavender a whole line to itself.

[Beowulf]

hi Mic,
Liked the poem

How about "slender arms" instead of "arms" ? (its sorta rhymes with lavender too)
and remonstrate (or gesticulate or motion) instead of demonstrate ?

"making me smile so" ... instead of "making me laugh so" ?
B

[steamboats]

Think this is really nice. Would incline towards the abandonment of all punctuation in the general spirit of unrestricted joyousness. Who cares about ampersands when you're in love?