Sat Feb 03, 2007 11:52 pm
Gidday
An interesting idea that I quite liked.
The lines that jolted me, though, were
"Making me shake,
Swimming in the lake. "
Even if you swapped them around they would sound a little more natural, but they seemed to be in there for the rhyme - hey it's early and I am probably missing something really important.
Not a lot to do to it to make it work for me.
Cheers
Dave
Cheers
Dave
"And I'm lost, and I'm lost
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
" [Tom]