tears before bedtime

[oranggunung]

Eyes like hosepipe punctures,
a green lava flow below;
stuttered respiration.

On my own,
I just can’t outmanoeuvre
emotional incontinence.

Perhaps a towel,
rather than this
pathetic, white square,
might mop up the floodwaters.

They catch me every time,
those orchestral swells.
As the hind falls,
tragic combers break,
and Bambi’s left alone.

[barrie]

Sorry og - Didn't do much for me. The hosepipe/tears thing is a bit of an overused caricature - and the Bambi punchline is in the same club. It's not really you this, not compared to what you've been writing recently.

Never did like Bambi.

Barrie

[twoleftfeet]

I quite like "emotional incontinence", Og.

Perhaps "outdistance" instead of "outmanouevre" - as the wave/swell from the soundtrack overtakes you (another good image)

It takes a lot to make Barrie blab - like spilling a full pint

Geoff

[pseud]

I agree with barrie. A poem about an emotion rather than about the cause of that emotion usually fails to get me interested. So what causes these tears? -- that is the question for this reader.

- Caleb

[oranggunung]

Thank you for your comments.

This was something of a digression for me, and, it appears, not a very successful one.

I'm afraid I hadn't appreciated the hackneyed use of my references. Clearly I'll have to read more widely.

The idea was to show how film-makers manipulate their audience musically. Perhaps an isolated event wouldn't have been enough to elicit an overtly emotional response from the narrator, but the scoring of the soundtrack by the composer tipped them over the 'edge'.

It appears that people are more susceptible to such things when they are alone, than when in company.

Perhaps "outdistance" instead of "outmanouevre"

In the context of the above, it seemed that outmanouevre was more appropriate. The audience is being manipulated, and, to some extent, are aware of this. Despite that knowledge, they can't help generating the desired responses.


og

[spraycan]

This raises that whole can of worms of how to deal with pop/consumer culture references. Ignoring them can be artificial given tv/movies/video games/rock/rap etc are how we express ourselves as a society. If you use them it seems to drag everything down, and pin your poem to a moment in time, dooming it to seem unfashionable and out-moded. I'm sure there are clever ways to square the circle, but I'm not that smart.

[twoleftfeet]

Og,

I take your point about manipulation - it's just that "outmanouevre" suggested intricate movements to me rather than headlong flight - I know what I would be doing!

The general feeling I got was one of self-deprecation for succumbing to it, and that is what I like most.
I didn't realise that we are more prone when alone.

Geoff

[dedalus]

and Bambi’s left alone.

Yes, but now he's going to be the Middle East envoy (whatever that means) while Gordon tries his shoes for size. Ah, me!