Ice
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coleridge
ice ice baby
Last edited by coleridge on Wed May 14, 2008 5:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
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ladyteazle
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:15 pm
- Location: Birmingham
I think your first stanza is the stronger - it loses its way slightly in the second, I felt. Love the image of the tattoo and the use of assonance. Well done.
"The feel of not to feel it." - Keats
Nice read. S1 is very strong, and the poem is intense. However, the last line is puzzling me. And do you think "Fire & Ice" would have been a better title?
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Richard WH
- Productive Poster
- Posts: 63
- Joined: Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:15 pm
- Location: just North of Newcastle
I agree there is a definite difference in strength between the two stanza's and the second one lets the poem down, following as it does a very strong one.
The meaning of communication is the response it gets
As has been said, a strong and interesting opening s. The lines flow nicely into one another.
However, yes, I have to agree, s2 is linguistically weak, although it does flow very well. But by the end I thought "ok, so this is about ice, ice, ice, about ice. it's ice... I get it.".
2 too many ice's for my taste, the repetition didn't work for me I'm afraid.
Would love to see a re-working though.
TDF
However, yes, I have to agree, s2 is linguistically weak, although it does flow very well. But by the end I thought "ok, so this is about ice, ice, ice, about ice. it's ice... I get it.".
2 too many ice's for my taste, the repetition didn't work for me I'm afraid.
Would love to see a re-working though.
TDF
meh and bah are wonderful words