Splat

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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Oskar
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Fri Aug 08, 2008 4:17 pm

You're a laxative waiting to happen
A nose bleed that doesn't stop
A DIY disaster
A swine that's for the chop

Like a recently used shit house
no-one follows where you're going
Non decoratum mi condo
Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
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barrie
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Fri Aug 08, 2008 4:49 pm

Typical state school (semi) educated, working-class ignoramus! How DARE you omit the hyphen - It's Llewellyn-Bowen. You rough types always did know how to rub him up the wrong way - I think that's why he keeps going back for more.

Singeon Eton-Blowfly

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
Oskar
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Fri Aug 08, 2008 5:07 pm

barrie wrote:Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
You lookin' for a punch up the bracket? Mind your bleedin' manners.

Blimey, the rubbish we get on this site.

Arthur Mullard.
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
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stuartryder
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Fri Aug 08, 2008 7:14 pm

Kindly take your roistering brawl out of the drawing-room.

Stuart Ryder (3rd Earl of Harrowby)
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twoleftfeet
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Fri Aug 08, 2008 7:40 pm

Like a recently used shit house
no-one follows where you're going

- inpsired Working Class (WC) humour, but alas, not the level of sophistication that one expects from a Forum
of this ilk.

Sir Alfred Garnett
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camus
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Sat Aug 09, 2008 1:30 pm

Ha ha,

A little bit JCC a little bit HMHB, but still your own.

Lighthearted relief, more required!

Kris
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brianedwards
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Sun Aug 10, 2008 12:46 am

mmm, everyone seems o be having a good laugh about this one,
so I'll reserve serious criticism,
except perhaps to suggest
that efforts such as these,
as fun as they may be,
don't really belong on the Experienced board.

B.

and the word shit
is neither a prerequisite
nor an indicator
of working class wit.
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camus
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Sun Aug 10, 2008 12:59 am

and the word shit
is neither a prerequisite
nor an indicator
of working class wit.


NO!

But:

"like a recently disinfected shithouse, you're clean round the bend"

Arguably is!

Which from of course that line was derived, inspired, stolen or in the deepest sense, alluded to.

Get with it man, are you still reading Keats?
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brianedwards
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Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:18 am

LMAO!

Keats? Where the hell did that come from?

Actually, I hadn't made the Cooper Clarke connection, Sunday morning here, sorry.
Thanks for pointing that out.
Stil, it adds nothing to this poem, whether deliberately alluded to or not.

Not a big fan of JCC, but certainly not reading Keats, my friend.
Always more of a Byron/Tennyson man.

B.
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camus
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Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:27 am

Ahhh Tennyson,

iBESTwatCHwhatIsAYthen

was that spot on?
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minim
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Tue Aug 19, 2008 6:00 pm

I liked it :) You're a laxative waiting to happen - I hope I can remember to use that line as a put down at some point.
Thoughts arrive like butterflies....
Oskar
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Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:22 am

Thank you one and all for your comments.

My apologies for taking so long to reply, but I've been drinking a healthy amount of coffee with my new friend, Brian.

Cheers.
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
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