Restoration

[Danté]

Restoration

Dry creosote, sunny-aspect shed
splinters rasp, warped timber
hinges chafe, open door flinches
bicycle spokes, flat cracked rubber
rusted frame and dried out gears.

Oiling brake-cables, dripping paint
squeaky rubber, cramped rims
click, click, click peddles turn back
phew unscrew pump-hose, fit caps
smile wide riding like a little boy.

.

[John G]

I can never really crit a poem on the technicalities, I prefer to look at what it means to me and this brings back a lot of good memories.

Reminds me of winter days, out side the garage me dad and me tinkering with his motorbike and my bike. Warm tea, cold air speech bubbles, tip of the fingers red with cold.

I also liked the the way it flowed

“click, click, click peddles turn back
phew unscrew pump-hose, fit caps”

Excellent!!


Reminds me of winter days, out side the garage me dad and me tinkering with his motorbike and my bike. Warm tea, cold air speech bubbles

[BenJohnson]

I enjoyed this one Dante, especially the lines above, a perfect choice of words. An unusual style but it works beautifully.

[Suzanne]

Dante,

This is so much fun. You've captured the anticipation and excitiment of childhood revisited.

The images from the beginning take us through the event with a nice rhythm.
The only pause I had was at the "dripping paint" because of the time it would take to dry, etc... but it works okay.

I like the style and think that it is free and yet controlled enough to let the reader follow, filling it the bits as needed.

Really an interesting poem and filled with so much life.
I have a soft spot for my bike, so this really settled nicely with me.

Great almost-Springtime write, lol,
Suzanne

[Tramontane]

you have encapsulated a powerfully emotive part of most peoples past.i liked the short choppy style it makes it very visual especially the shed description,as a young boy my shed was a "stable where independence lived".

Dry creosote, sunny-aspect shed
splinters rasp, warped timber
hinges chafe, open door flinches

the style reminds me of Heaney , so that makes it rock

The title Restoration reminds me of doing exactly the same thing to an old bike with the help of my Dad, thanks for giving me the memories today

[Leigh]

Lovely stuff, very masculine, but not in an overbaring way, quite innocent. I seem to get a very reall sense of time passing here, as though each sylabal has a pricise incrimental chronological value. Very good

[Danté]

Thanks guys for the feedback, greatly appreciated after a spell of not posting.

It´s good to be here, and read all your work.

Thanks again

Danté

[Raisin]

Hi,

I thought I'd grab this before it slips of the page Dante, I really like it I love the use of sound to create imagery in your poem, and the theme of restoration is a good one to pick.

Enjoyed it a lot, thanks.

Raisin

[David]

A lovely list, Tim, and some great details. You made me feel that Summer's coming.

Sunny cheers

David

[mesmie]

Dante

I have no idea how I missed this one!

click, click, click peddles turn back
phew unscrew pump-hose, fit caps

great momement here sir...

Your write conveys the sense of mystery that the 'shed' held for many when young. A wonderland for small people, brought to mind my grandads shed. Lovely

mes

[arunansu]

I can imagine the "sunny-aspect shed". Great descriptions. Quite a "restoration" of old memories, I guess.