**
maple leaf
a blot of red
on languid river
**
trees, blood-stained
two swans hunt
the murderer
**
mute fire enfolds
a birch; a robin sings
amid the blaze
**
bluebird takes flight
one feather drops down
over leaf-bed
When stars fall
An 'of the cuff' take on this hope you don't mind:-
Mapel leaf, this blot of ruby red on languid river flows,
these trees blood-stained of hurt, the swans discuss the murderer
beneath such waterfalls.
Mute fire intense enfolding the birch
while robin sings ablazed
this glory of a thousand springs
a thousand days it made :
bluebird takes to flight, one leaden
wing is down,
one feather is for comfort......
this murderer needs be found.
It is just what I saw...here......Aru
Mapel leaf, this blot of ruby red on languid river flows,
these trees blood-stained of hurt, the swans discuss the murderer
beneath such waterfalls.
Mute fire intense enfolding the birch
while robin sings ablazed
this glory of a thousand springs
a thousand days it made :
bluebird takes to flight, one leaden
wing is down,
one feather is for comfort......
this murderer needs be found.
It is just what I saw...here......Aru
Hi Arun,
nice piece of work! Quietly effective. Like the the use of blood and red. I don't see the need to expand the verses.
Where I come from there is a saying, that the redder the breast of a robin, the colder the winter. So I associate the bird with cold.
Kimi
nice piece of work! Quietly effective. Like the the use of blood and red. I don't see the need to expand the verses.
Where I come from there is a saying, that the redder the breast of a robin, the colder the winter. So I associate the bird with cold.
Kimi
Lovely,
Glad that my poem inspired you to write those beautiful lines. Why don't you post them as a separate poem on the board? Smiles.
Thanks Lake and Kimibob for penning down your thoughts and spending your time here.
Glad that my poem inspired you to write those beautiful lines. Why don't you post them as a separate poem on the board? Smiles.
Thanks Lake and Kimibob for penning down your thoughts and spending your time here.
-
Suzanne
- Perspicacious Poster
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Aru,
Something about this reminded me of spring. I enjoyed it and felt the cold crisp air, stillness and the contrast of the blood. Very nice vividness.
I didn't like the tile so well and tripped on the words dropped down. I would have chosen something else, the down seems an abrupt word at the end of the sentence, perhaps?
Anyway, I liked this very much and think that it is one of your richer ones.
Suzanne
Something about this reminded me of spring. I enjoyed it and felt the cold crisp air, stillness and the contrast of the blood. Very nice vividness.
I didn't like the tile so well and tripped on the words dropped down. I would have chosen something else, the down seems an abrupt word at the end of the sentence, perhaps?
Anyway, I liked this very much and think that it is one of your richer ones.
Suzanne