Mirage Cherita

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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arunansu
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Sat Dec 12, 2009 5:35 am

our eyes meet

Bedouin inspects
aeolian landforms

a restless camel
hastens toward
unreachable oasis
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Dalena
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Sat Dec 12, 2009 5:35 pm

Bravo Arunasu

So much to experience in a small package...camels seem to be popular here today...
I partic liked the unreachable oasis....I couldn't help seeing a mirage rippling in the distance and trying to decide if it's a trick of the light
or thirst quenching.....I'm sure the camel would know....aren't they supposed to be clever like that?

thanx

Dalena x
Life is one good lick away from being naughty
arunansu
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Sun Dec 13, 2009 5:46 am

Thank you so much for the encouragement, Dalena.
qwertyportne
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Sun Dec 13, 2009 11:41 pm

arunansu,

Your poem is a fine example of both how and why less is often more. If anybody ever asks me how poetry differs from prose, I'll suggest they read your Mirage Cherita. Just 11 words. That's a pretty high evoke/convey ratio!

I enjoy poems that make me do some of the work to get at the meaning and how the meaning is conveyed. Your poem certainly compelled me to think as well as feel. At first read, for example, it seemed like a simple, straight-forward setting. On second read, however, I realized that the images were, at least for me, richly ambiguous.

Another pleasant surprise was that I had never seen the phrase aeolian landforms. After Googling the phrase, I discovered that I had seen aeoilan landforms -- in the Mojave desert near where I live. Thanks for posting this. I look forward to reading more poetry from you...

-Bill
arunansu
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:14 am

Thank you so much for the appreciation, Bill. Smiles.
Ros
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:38 am

Enjoyed greatly, arunansu. Very nicely done.

Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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arunansu
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:58 pm

Thank you Ros for the appreciation of the piece.
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anniecat
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Tue Dec 15, 2009 2:01 am

Clever.
Short and sweet, i can see the mirage and feel the heat, well done.
Love those looked up words. :D
It always happens when you least expect it. AC
arunansu
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Tue Dec 15, 2009 4:48 am

Thank you Anniecat for the reply and the time. Smiles.
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