Instinct
Squeals of delight burst
openings to exit endless corridors
spilling out into the playground
and evolve into chants of “BUNDLE”.
Last of the reverberations
thuds through the turf as I arrive.
A bloody nose
compares well with
the erupting lower lip
daubed on the face of his adversary.
Picking up his school blazer,
I’m reminded of how he tried to
disguise having smelled his fingers
after removing them from my knickers.
~*~
Instinct
Oh, my!
I dare not touch, nor expose, this, D. You are such an absolute delight to read between the lines written here.
Reminds me personally of a Kindergarden with those carousel wheels in them from long ago! Or even a wooden Pony
*MUCH APPLAUSE*
I dare not touch, nor expose, this, D. You are such an absolute delight to read between the lines written here.
Reminds me personally of a Kindergarden with those carousel wheels in them from long ago! Or even a wooden Pony
*MUCH APPLAUSE*
Last edited by beetroot on Sun Dec 13, 2009 12:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
One is left mute with the intenseness of the poem
Because its real, the joy in the poem is the passion in which
It is written, it is real, and heartfelt, you have gone to the inner
Most shrine of your being, good read, tool
Because its real, the joy in the poem is the passion in which
It is written, it is real, and heartfelt, you have gone to the inner
Most shrine of your being, good read, tool
Dalena,
A powerful write, beyond doubt. I somehow feel the "playground" is a metaphor here, and I'm more inclined to believe that deals with abuse in general, not only a child-abuse. Whatever it might be, it is intense and effective writing. Thanks for sharing.
A powerful write, beyond doubt. I somehow feel the "playground" is a metaphor here, and I'm more inclined to believe that deals with abuse in general, not only a child-abuse. Whatever it might be, it is intense and effective writing. Thanks for sharing.
Thanx for the very interesting responses to this poem.
I deliberately allowed some ambiguity around the circumstances of the actions I've illustrated to see what conclusions are arrived at
by the reader and also to see if it's a uniform response. I did this to learn something to help improve the impact of my writing
and to what extent I can guide a reader by single word placements that might be, or not be as effective as adding a bulky additional
set of lines that can often make a piece too cumbersome. I have now added one word to the poem which is in italics so it's easy
to identify and would appreciate knowing if it changes a reader's conclusions in a way that fundamentally alters their perception
of one or more of the characters I have employed here.
I am very grateful for your valuable time and thoughts in the above replies.
Thanx
Dalena x
I deliberately allowed some ambiguity around the circumstances of the actions I've illustrated to see what conclusions are arrived at
by the reader and also to see if it's a uniform response. I did this to learn something to help improve the impact of my writing
and to what extent I can guide a reader by single word placements that might be, or not be as effective as adding a bulky additional
set of lines that can often make a piece too cumbersome. I have now added one word to the poem which is in italics so it's easy
to identify and would appreciate knowing if it changes a reader's conclusions in a way that fundamentally alters their perception
of one or more of the characters I have employed here.
I am very grateful for your valuable time and thoughts in the above replies.
Thanx
Dalena x
Life is one good lick away from being naughty