April

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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arunansu
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Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:40 am

She's a counter-salesgirl
in a flower store which I visit often.
She’s charming, witty and outspoken.

She must have been ten
when her father left the world,
barely in her teens
when her mother married again ...

Life has rattled on,
a screeching sewing machine
has struggled hard to stitch together
impracticable
unreasonable necessities.

She has grown a habit
of drawing back from the lure of mirages.

The Easter-bouquets are neatly arranged,
packed with white daisies
and yellow spray roses.

Little does she know
that a silent love thrives
within the tufts of basal leaves.
Elf
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Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:59 pm

Hello arunansu,

Is April the cruellest month then? :)
I liked the last stanza, but I'm not sure what it means because of the word 'within'. Is it saying that the basal leaves are representative of love?
Are they weeds growing with the plant?
The more I explore with questions, the more depth there is, I like that about poetry, it's enigmatic streak.
Are you comparing the narrator to the weeds or the basal leaves? Meaning that this girl doesn't recognise him/her because 'little does she know' about it.
Or is it to do with her lack of imagination? Which is actually not really a lack, it's just that she is 'holding back'? Because she is scared?

This has inspired me to write my poem about April, I wrote about 2 weeks ago... called 'Autumn April'.
Lake
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Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:12 pm

Hi Arun,

I don't recall I've read any narrative poems like this from you. It's good, easy to follow, and very springy.
The analogy of life and the sewing machine in S3 works very well. I'm not sure how you know she must've been 10 in S2 unless you were told?

Nice read,

Lake

PS: Just for curiosity, do you celebrate Easter in your country?
Aim, then, to be aimless.
Seek neither publication, nor acclaim:
Submit without submitting.

一 Cameron
arunansu
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Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:45 am

Thanks Elf. Re your question, my answer would be that it might be a combination of the three possibilities that you've mentioned! Lol. I haven't read your poem, but feeling so glad to have helped you, even indirectly in writing a poem. Smiles.

Yeah, Lake, I have written 3 short stories! Lol. And 'she' told me that 'she' was ten when her father died. Outspoken, she is! Smiles. And yes, Easter is surely observed here among the christian communities. People of so many religions live here, Lake! :D
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anniecat
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Wed Apr 07, 2010 1:59 pm

I thought this a lovely read..yet again thanks:D
It always happens when you least expect it. AC
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Wed Apr 07, 2010 10:34 pm

Reads to me like a partial biography; there doesn't seem to be much to her life, quite banal post-parental-remarriage, but get the impression it was filling the days as they had passed, I just hope she tests the water eventually.

Thumbs up.
arunansu
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Thu Apr 08, 2010 11:55 am

Thanks Grant, for your time and reply.
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